A CLOSER WALK WITH GOD
Excerpt from the introduction of The Majesty of Grace book.
by Dr. Keefa Lorraine Weatherspoon
Sometimes we turn to God when our foundation is shaking,
only to find out that it is God who is shaking it.
- Author unknown
In July 1977, I was diagnosed with beginning stages of cancer.
There I was: saved, sanctified and full of cancer.
I couldn't understand how such a thing could happen to me.
I was in church six or seven days a week, doing all the “right” things.
How could this happen to me?
I remember begging for my life to change. If somehow I could win
favor with God, maybe all my problems would disappear.
As I begged for God’s mercy, I realized how undeserving I felt.
The shame and guilt were overwhelming.
It seemed God was “punishing me” for some reason
that was completely foreign to me.
At one point, I believed my world was coming to an end.
The agony and torture from the echoing thought of living with, then dying from,
cancer became unbearable. That afternoon, I decided to end my miserable life by
taking a bottle of anti-depressants and half a bottle of sleeping pills.
My three-year-old son and my father found me and rushed me to Providence Hospital.
As the doctors struggled to bring me back, I remember a soft voice within saying:
“When you become more loving and accepting of yourself, breaking free of
self-destructive thoughts and tendencies becomes a natural step.”
That day the part of me that wanted to give up,
the part of me that wanted to die – did, and a new me was born.
In Michigan, suicide or a suicide attempt is illegal and therapy is recommended;
so I began therapy. Therapy became a huge crutch. I was still seeking approval and
acceptance from someone or something outside of myself. Inwardly, I’d hoped that
someone could care more about me than I cared about myself and would rescue me
or convince me that I was okay, that God had forgiven,
or would forgive me and that somehow, magically, I would get better.
The truth was that, where the psychiatrists were concerned, I was just another
number. Three psychiatrists later, I realized that if I was going to get better,
I would have to assume greater responsibility for my own well-being.
What therapy did that was rewarding was introduce me to the power of my mind.
Beyond the weekly sessions with the therapist, I needed to learn how to monitor
and manage my own mind. Additionally, I needed to learn how to take care of my
physical well-being; I needed to learn how to eat to live.
I was in church, but church wasn't in me. Spiritually, I felt distant and
disconnected from God. I felt contaminated and unholy. I craved a deeper
understanding and a richer, more rewarding relationship with God. I prayed to be
allowed to witness and experience the holiness and divinity of God.
As I opened my mind and humbled my heart,
God began to reveal his presence, power, peace, order and
purpose to me, in me, through me and as me.
My prayer: “God if you show me how to heal my life of cancer,
I will spend whatever time I have left healing others and teaching them to heal
themselves,” has taken me on a phenomenal journey back to wholeness.
This book, The Majesty of Grace, offers the path to wholeness, forgiveness, love and
healing that I discovered in overcoming the cancer in my life -
It takes you on a journey from victory to victory; “from the familiar to the unfamiliar,”
from guilt to grace, from worry to peace, from anxiety to acceptance and
from the bondage of toxicity to the liberation of love.
As I grow wiser, I pray I will be allowed to continue to write and
offer the evolution of that wisdom.
May the sacredness of God’s holy presence bless, enrich and heal your world.
Yours in light, love and clarity,